We Need to Talk About Your Moisturizer (And Mine, Too)

Because sister, we’re getting hustled. Together.

Let me guess.You’ve got a top-shelf serum that cost more than your car insurance and smells like a moonlit lavender forest hand-blessed by Gwyneth Paltrow herself.

But plot twist:It might also be sneakily serving you a little hormone disruption on the side. With a dash of synthetic estrogen. And a tiny smidge of "wait...did that say formaldehyde?"

YEP. SAME HERE.

We’ve all been there. The branding. The promises. The influencer who said it changed her life. And her pores. And probably her taxes.

And we bought it. With our whole chest. Because we want to believe we’re doing something good for ourselves. But sometimes? That pretty little bottle is just expensive lies in a glass jar.

Let’s Call This What It Is: Skin-Safe Catfishing.

Because the beauty industry doesn’t always lie.It just... omits things.Like the fact that “fragrance” is a legally protected mystery cocktail.Or that some “moisturizing agents” are petroleum byproducts wearing a silk robe and sipping a green juice.

And Prestige Brands? Oh, They Got Us Good.

Let’s play a game. I’ll say a brand. You try not to cry:

• La Mer – $380 for marine vibes and parabens. (Did they mean miracle... or marketing?). For those still in love with this little creamy-cream-cream - it's not even close to what it was when they sold it to Lauder in 1994. Taken to China and ingredients diluted...if it looks the same, smells the same, feels the same? Decidedly NOT what worth the $300+ price tag, with a side of mineral oil and petroleum jelly.

• YSL / Dior / Chanel Beauty – Luxury? Yes. Also: phthalates, PEGs, and endocrine chaos in couture.

• Charlotte Tilbury – Magic wand? Sure. But you might wanna check what’s riding shotgun. Petroleum Distillates and Mineral Oil...Phthalates (restricted in the EU - and this was an ENGLISH company!)...and more. What happened, Charlotte?

• Lancôme, Estée Lauder, MAC – A who’s-who of prestige packaging with a side of potential skin disruptors, formaldehyde releasers, and synthetic dyes that your liver didn’t order.

Don’t worry, babe. We’re not judging. We’re detoxing. Together.

And While We're at It... the Kids? Yeah. They're Sponges.

Not just because they can somehow learn Mandarin from a YouTube video while we’re still trying to remember how to say “Donde esta el bano?” in high school Spanish.

Literal. Sponges.

Their skin? Thinner. Their systems? Still under construction. Their organs? Figuring it out as they go (same, kid). So whatever we put on them… yeah. It’s going in them.

They can’t read labels. They trust us to do that part.Which is equal parts terrifying—and kind of a superpower, too.

Because now we know. And now we get to make different choices. The kind that whisper: “I’ve got you, even when you don’t know you need it.”

That’s not just clean beauty. That’s parenting in power.

Here's the Real Deal:

• Your skin absorbs stuff. Not everything—but enough to matter.

• The U.S. bans like 11 ingredients. Europe bans over 1,600.

• Just because it’s in a fancy jar doesn’t mean it’s not full of endocrine-disrupting nonsense.

• And just because it’s on a shelf doesn’t mean it’s safe.

So What Do We Do? (Besides rage-shop at the co-op?)

• We read labels like they owe us money.

• We stop assuming price = purity.

• We ditch the mystery “fragrance” unless it tells you what’s in it.

• And we remember that we’re not in this alone.

You don’t have to throw away your entire bathroom cabinet tonight. But maybe let’s not buy the $96 eye cream that has the same ingredients as WD-40.

Let’s Be the Women Who Ask the Questions.

Who raises the bar. Who know that wellness doesn’t have to be wrapped in woo-woo or wear a $400 label. It just has to be honest. And work. And not gaslight your hormones.

We’re learning. We’re laughing. We’re label-checking like our lives depend on it.

Because they kinda do.

Now pass me the jojoba oil and let’s revolt—gorgeously.